Chill
by CacoPhoniA
Summary: "This void I can't fill, so I must fade." Zexion attemps to die in the snow, only to be saved by a sea-foam-eyed stranger, who attemps to wake him up from his death and to life. AU. BL.
1. Ice

A/N: I thought of this while looking at a picture of snow today...  
>This is Zexion, if you're wondering, and it contains thoughts of suicide. I'm sorry if I offend you in anyway...I didn't mean to if I did. But don't worry, Zexion doesn't die. XD<p>Song: Suifeesen - Fujita Maiko<p>

(Pagebreak :D)

I didn't want to live anymore, and it was that simple.

So instead of making a scene and hanging myself or slashing my wrists, I simply yelled that I was going for a walk, not bothering to look at anyone or answer when Mom asked, "Where?"

It was snowing, and it was cold.

Freezing to death, falling asleep in the bliss, it would be alright.

It would be pretty, and I wouldn't be horribly mutilated in any way. Just covered in a bit of frost, and a bit paler than usual.

So, instead of people thinking it would be suicide, they would think that maybe I fainted in the cold, or maybe sat down and fell asleep, and froze to death.

Not so bad. Not bad at all.

(Pagebreak :D)

I wasn't depressed, or angry at anyone, to want to end my life. It was that I felt I had no purpose, and instead of filling the void my mother had when she had given birth to me, I didn't fill it at all. Now, don't get me wrong, my mother loved me, it's not as if she thought I didn't fill the void. I just knew, that was all. No matter what I did, even if she loved me, nothing I did in the future could benefit her in the least. I was just a being taking up space, reading all day and night, with no friends to speak of.

So, when I found out that my mother was pregnant, I thought it was the perfect opportunity. She was having a new child, and maybe this one would help her more than I could. I loved her, and wanted to do all I could for her, but it was beyond my reach.  
>"Honey, you want to help me name the baby?"<p>

Oh, Mom. Helping you name it would just remind you of me when I'm gone.

"Maybe, when you have it. What is it's gender anyway?"

My mom had smiled at me, an endearing look that I had a feeling that I would be sorry to lose.

"It's a suprise. I didn't let the ultrasound technician tell me. Suprises are better, huh?"

She smiled again, looking down at the book she had been reading.

"Yea. Suprises are better."

I hated being in that conversation, all because it was making more memories. I didn't WANT her to remember me. I wanted her to be much happier.

It had hurt, thinking about it when I woke up the morning of the plan that I had. It was a random chance of luck, too, with it snowing and all. I was having second-thoughts, too, so to avoid problems, I just barged out the door, dressed in clothing appropriate for snow. Mom would've made me stay in if I hadn't.

The snow was extremely beautiful, like I had hoped, and a thick blanket of it covered the area around the house and as far as I could see. Good. That also meant the woods were the same. That was the area my death was going to be set in, deep in the woods, right underneath my favorite tree. It was a maple, and even though its bright red leaves were gone, it was still beautiful.

So, I began to walk around the back of the house, edging towards the woods.

(Pagebreak :D)

My shoes (I hadn't bothered with boots or anything of the sort) were soaked by the time I had reached the area, and my face was freezing. I could hardly move my fingers.

I looked up at the tree, then at the sky. White, so very blank, yet pretty. Then, with a sigh, I sat down at the base of the tree, the snow gathering around me as I sat. I kept my hands in my pockets, to prevent any more pain to them than necessary. I hadn't thought about the pain of freezing to death, only about the part where I died. Turns out this sort of death had a little pain along with it. All did, though. So I couldn't exactly complain.

My breath clouded in front of me, and I closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep.

However, the bitter cold didn't allow this, so I sat, allowing this cold to envelop me and to let myself think.

'Perhaps I should say goodbyes.'

Even though it was a depressing thought, it was something I could do.

'I suppose it could help me rest my consciene a bit, considering I left no will.'

But there hadn't been a need to write one, really. Everything would go to my mother, considering I had no close friends or acquaintances.

I figured I could start it like a letter. I had been good at writing.

'Mom,

This is going to sound pathetic, but I am sorry that I couldn't have been a better son to you. I understand, Mom, that you love me, and have done everything in your power to make me happy, but it saddens me not being able to return the favor. Please, if you could, try to forget about me, no that's not right, but I ask that you think of me very little. Focus on your new child, your only child. To let you know, I didn't do this because of the new baby. I think I did this because I feel like I'm a waste of space. I love you Mom, but I don't like feeling useless anymore. Maybe wherever I go when I die will have me serve a better purpose.  
>I know I sound self-pitying, and I don't want you to think of me that way. I'm doing this for you, and the baby.<p>

I love you,

Zexion.'

It did sound self-pitying and self-centered, and I didn't like it, but it was all I could really think of at that moment. My thoughts were already clouding, my focus growing more and more unsteady. I hadn't known it was going to be this quick. In fact, I was growing sleepy, even.

'I wonder what people will think.' I thought, looking down at my jean-clad legs. Would they miss the short, quiet, blue-haired kid that sat by himself, reading almost constantly? I wondered how many people would attend the funeral. My school would most likely hold a memorial, like they did for Zack Fair, when he died in a car accident. It would be different at mine though. At Zack's memorial almost everyone cried, especially his boyfriend, Cloud, who had been in the car during the incident. At my memorial, people would most likely look at one another and whisper "Who?" to each other. The only one to cry would probably be my mother, if she attended.

'That's kind of sad.'

It didn't matter though. I didn't really care.

(Pagebreak :D)

It was so close...

My breathing had slowed, and my heartbeat was agonizingly slow as well. Everything seemed to echo around me, and my sight was terribly fuzzy. It wasn't even cold anymore. In fact, I felt warm, comfortable even.

Unable to keep my eyelids open anymore, I slowly closed my eyes, letting exhaustion take over my actions. My body relaxed, and I felt myself slip into sleep.

Everything was in slow-mo. Every sound, and I could hear the whoosh sound of the wind rush around me.

Ah, here it came.

Blackness, and my breathing faltered.

No pain. I felt no pain at all.

(Pagebreak :D)

Slow, terribly slow crunching noises invaded my ears, interrupting my almost-death. I opened my eyes reluctantly, and it felt as if anvils were settled on them. Just distorted shapes and colors surrounded me, except, oddly, some were moving. They seemed to be clumsily ambling foward, spidery shapes branching out towards me.

Distorted, low noises.

Was it a bear?

'Who cares?' my mind told me, willing my eyes closed again.

And then, a sharp shake to my shoulders roused me slightly. I opened my eyes to see two pools of sea-green looking down at me, ice-berg ice, sea foam.

"H- - e- y- -"

I tried to close my eyes again, only to recieve a sharper shake than before. No, dammit, let me sleep...

The voice called out again, and I couldn't help but look into that odd greeny-blue color, and listen harder.

"H...-y! D-..n't g-... b...-c... to...slee-"

I nodded, trying to make sense of the whole situation.

Another shake, and he spoke more clearly.

"My name...-s-...Demyx...-m...-onna...-help you.."

'No, just leave me..' Despite my inward protesting, I (hardly) felt someone's arm wrap around my back, and under my legs. Then, some jostling.

I leaned against the warmth of the person holding me, unable to slip into death, as I wished.

I had been saved, unfortunately.

(Pagebreak :D)

A/N: Wow, I'm proud. :D I really like this fic, however depressing it may be. It IS going to be multiple chapters, and I do plan on finishing it. I like it too much to just abandon it. X3

Review. PLEASE. I FEED OFF THOSE THINGS, I'M SERIOUS.

(Take a listen to the song, too. It's awesome. :D)

Flamers, I'll think of a threat later. Just don't flame, got it memorized? (Muahaha! XD)

Thank you!

- - Yuki


	2. Sun

A/N: Yes, yes I know that it is late, but I AM going to continue! It's good for my...brain or something, I dunno. I hope you will forgive me for lack of knowledge on hypothermia. I am trying to read up on medical things, so I can write this fic correctly, but due to limited time that might uh...not work. ^^; Bear with me here. I'm in a better mood than I was the last time I wrote, so this chapter might be a little different.

Writing this really makes me cold. Hm. 4-D fic. Nice. :)

(Pagebreak :D)

Instead of the numbness I'd felt before, it was warm. The kind of warm you feel when you first wake up, so comfortable that getting up doesn't even seem possible at the moment.

Then, I felt the wool clenched between my fingers, and the sheets underneath me, and under that, a soft bed. Sounds came in then, the low hum of a central heating system, quiet creaking sounds of wood. I could feel confusion growing, for my house didn't have that sound, and it also had a different feel to the air. While my house had a motherly aura, this house had another one to it, one that I couldn't name.

I wrinkled my brow then, when feelings of my own body returned. I felt a dull pain in my stomach and head, throbbing in time to my heartbeat, which I could hear. It was definitely a contrast to before, when my heartbeat had slowed to the point where I couldn't even hear the separate beats.

At the wrinkling of my brow, I heard heavier creaking of wood move towards my location. Weight settled upon the bed, and I tried to move my feet over, but that part of my body hadn't exactly woken up yet.

With a slight paranoid feeling, I was reminded of the novel Misery. I sincerely hoped that this person who had "rescued" me didn't turn out to be another Annie Wilkes, and that I hadn't lost all use of my legs. (This I doubted would happen, but my overly vivid imagination always had assumed the worst, from the time I was a child.)

I heard another being's breath hitch; a males, and I was a little relieved, even though it was silly.

Then, using (suprisingly) a great amount of strength, I opened my eyes, to see ice-berg and ocean staring into my own eyes.

They blinked. I blinked.

"Zexion?"

My eyes focused, and I began to observe my rescuer.

Masses of dirty-blonde hair was styled into a fashion that I would have to combine with two; A mullet and a mohawk. A mull-hawk. Yes, that would work.

The eyes were still locked on me, and I marveled at their color. They were so odd. I had never seen such a combination of blue and green in nature, paint, let alone another human being's eyes. Long eyelashes batted as he blinked again. From the looks of it he was quite tall, and strong, but not in the bodybuilder way. It was a sort of lean athleticism, his long limbs reminding me of a cat.

And then, a spark in my mind.

I recognized him.

Demyx Aigean.

He could be seen skipping classes, sitting in the abandoned wing of the school, playing his blue sitar, going unnoticed without trying. But, when he wanted the attention, he attracted it like pollen to honeybees. Often I had passed him in that abandoned hallway, using a shortcut to get to the courtyard. Many a time he had said hello to me, but I had never returned it, either too occupied with writing or too caught up in a book. Or course he was the heartthrob of swarms of girls on campus, but rumours said that he rejected them all.

The indie musician. A loner only when he wanted to be.

"Zexion?"

I blinked, willing my voice to work.

"Yes?" I cringed at the hoarsness of my voice, and cleared my throat gently.

Demyx smiled, and that added a bit to my sensory overload. Bright shining white, like lightbulbs.

"Oh my...Dude, you scared me!"

Suddenly arms were crushing my body, keeping my arms pinned to the side while he held me in a death-grip of a hug.

"D-De-myx! You're cr-crushing me!" I stuttered, airways blocked.

Immediately he let me go.

"I'm sorry! I just uh...thought you were dead for a minute there. No, not like when you were sleeping or anything, but in the woods, and I was really freaking out. I was just taking a walk, you know, and I saw you sitting there. What were you doing there, that's what I thought, and then I like acted on instinct and I picked you up and brought you here. I thought you had hypothermia, so I took your temperature and it was like 87 or something like that and I know that's not normal and-"

I promptly clapped a hand over his rambling mouth. That 15 seconds of him talking had increased the pain of my headache threefold. His eyes widened, and I removed my hand.

"I'm sorry, Demyx. I just have an absolutely horrible headache..."

Demyx's face turned a little pink, and he looked at the ground.

"O-Oh. Sorry. When I get worried or excited I kinda talk people's ears off, ya know? I just meant to say that I was worried, and I brought you here."

Worried? I mentally cringed. Did he even know me well enough to be worried? And what had he been doing in my part of the woods? How had he found me?

The 'I don't give a fuck' feeling set in at that moment. Thinking was hurting too much; my headache was growing from bad to horrible.

"Well, thank you for your concern, Demyx. Do you have any painkillers? I don't mean to be rude-"

Demyx shot up, enough that I thought that he might've gotten dizzy.

"I-I'm sorry! I forgot to tell you that you have a fever and I kinda forgot too because I was watching you sleep making sure you weren't dying or anything and oh god! I didn't mean that in a perverted way- but, ah, I had to make sure you didn't stop breathing-"

"Demyx!"

(Note to self: Don't set Demyx off.)

"Aww, I'm sorry!" He blushed again, looking down at the floor in a sort of kicked puppy way.

"Demyx, it's fine...just...try not to ramble or worry, okay?"

He looked up, looking a bit more cheerful.

"Sure. Ah! I'll uh...go get the stuff for your headache!" He walked to the doorway, stopped, looked at me as if he was making sure I was really there, then was out of sight.

I sighed, looking around the room, trying to distract myself from the pain in my head and stomach.

Wood. Lot's of wood, and the color blue. A fish mobile hung from the ceiling, and a few child-like pictures seemed to be taped to the wall. I looked down at the blanket covering me. Blue. A sort of ocean blue that reminded me of Demyx's eyes.

Another sigh went through me as I heard him ascend what I assumed were stairs, and he appeared at the doorway in an instant, holding a glass of water and two white pills. He walked over, handing me the items.

"Um...here. It should make your head feel better pretty quick. Don't dry-swallow, or you'll puke..."

I stared at him, feeling a bit worried and wondering what he had given me.

"Oh! It's nothing bad, it's just that you haven't eaten anything or drank anything in a day or two..."

"Two days?" I looked up in shock. How had I been asleep for two days? How severe had my hypothermia been?"

"Yea...so uh...don't dry-swallow 'em. 'Kay?" I nodded in reply, shoving the pills in my mouth and downing some water. An uncomfortable feeling settled over me as I felt his eyes watch my every move.

In my head I began to calculate.

Two days. My mom would've noticed I was missing, and called the police. They would have immediately began searching, and my mom would've told them I went into the woods. I went only to the middle, and I 'm sure there had been an imprint in the snow. Fibers from my clothes would've been found, and other evidence of when I walked.

I did not know Demyx's address, and from the looks of it no one lived with him. He didn't seem the stalker or kidnapper type, but what did I know?

I had no close friends to call, or relations that lived nearby other than my mom.

I could be anywhere, and this musician could be anybody.

His multicolored eyes blinked innocently, and I began to doubt any paranoia I had.

But then again, I should be careful. Very careful.

He smiled.

"Uh, wait a sec, I'll be back."

He turned, walking from the room.

When he left, I craned my neck to look out the window.

Snow. Trees, and more snow as far as the eye could see. From the looks of it, I was in the middle of nowhere, with someone that was practically a stranger.

I wrinkled my brow and glared at the ceiling.

What had I gotten myself into?

(Pagebreak :D)

OOOOOOOH! WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?

I dunno, cause it's not planned yet. I have no idea if I want this to be a demented romance or whatever. It'd be very nice if I could get some ideas on what people want in this fic.  
>Review. I'm starving.<p>

I'll have Saix stalk you...or something...if flamers flame or trolls be trollin or whatever.

Thank you!

- - Yuki 


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